BY: REBECCA BELENKY OF LOS ANGELES BIRTH
This article explores the similarities and differences between coping with intense workouts and coping with labor contractions. It highlights familiar physical and mental tools people already use and reframes labor as a process that draws on existing strengths rather than requiring new or mysterious skills.
The Challenge of a workout can be like the challenge of labor
Today at the YMCA in South Pasadena, I found myself in one of those workout classes.
You know the kind. You're questioning your life choices, wondering why you even showed up, and looking at the clock only to discover you're just ten minutes into class.
My muscles were already shaking from some crazy squats, and the little voice in my head kept asking, "Is this over yet?"
Standing there, desperately wanting it to be over, I had a moment of recognition.
This is so much like labor.
Now, obviously, labor is not the same as a workout you voluntarily sign up for. You usually don't get to choose when labor starts, how long it lasts, or what happens along the way. More is at stake, and giving birth is a life-changing experience.
But I started thinking about what happens when we're in the middle of something physically challenging. How do we get through it? What do we tell ourselves? And what helps when we feel like we've reached our limit?
As a birth doula, I spend a lot of time talking with families about coping with labor. But standing in that workout class, I was reminded that many of the tools we use in labor are things we already know how to do.
You Already Know More About Coping Than You Think
I often hear clients say, "I don't know how I'll handle contractions. I've never been in labor before."
And that's true. You can't know exactly what labor will feel like until you experience it.
But most of us have experienced physical intensity in other ways. Maybe you've pushed yourself through a difficult hike, held a challenging yoga pose, run farther than you thought you could, or carried something really heavy when there was nowhere to put it down.
These experiences aren't the same as labor, but they give us opportunities to notice how we respond when things get difficult.
Do you hold your breath? Make noise? Look for something to focus on? Start talking to yourself? Do you feel better when someone encourages you, or would you rather everyone leave you alone?
It's worth paying attention to these things because they can tell you something about how you might want to be supported during labor.
Breathing, Making Noise, and Finding Your Focus
Back in my workout class, I noticed that I was doing all sorts of things to get through those last few repetitions.
I was grunting, groaning, and sometimes humming. None of it was planned. The sounds just came out when the exercises got difficult.
I see this in labor all the time.
Some people are surprised by the sounds they make during contractions. They might moan, hum, grunt, or swear. Sometimes those sounds help them find a rhythm or release tension. Other people prefer to stay completely quiet.
There's no correct way to sound when you're giving birth.
I also noticed how much I relied on my breathing. Nothing fancy or particularly zen. Just breathing in and out, trying not to hold my breath while my legs were shaking.
Breathing can be a helpful place to put your attention during contractions, too. You don't necessarily need to memorize a special technique. Sometimes simply noticing you're holding your breath and letting yourself exhale can help you settle into what your body is doing.
Then there was my focus.
At different points during the workout, I found myself staring at a spot on the floor or watching myself in the mirror. Having somewhere to rest my eyes helped me stay with the exercise instead of constantly looking at the clock.
In labor, some people find it helpful to focus on a particular object, their partner's face, or a spot on the wall. Others close their eyes and turn inward.
These are simple things, but they're worth experimenting with before labor begins.
The People Around You Matter
Another thing I noticed during class was how much the other people in the room affected my experience.
Our instructor kept calling out encouragement.
"Keep going!"
"Just a few more!"
And actually, hearing the grunts and complaints from the people around me was just as helpful. It was reassuring to know I wasn't the only one having a hard time.
This made me think about the role of a birth partner or doula.
Sometimes encouragement is exactly what someone needs. A few reassuring words, a reminder to breathe, or simply hearing, "I'm right here."
Other times, talking can be irritating, and the most helpful thing a support person can do is be quiet and stay close.
One thing I've learned from attending births is that good support requires paying attention and responding in the moment to what is happening. What helped someone twenty minutes ago might not be what they need now.
And you don't always need to say or do something. Sometimes just being present, staying calm, and witnessing what someone is going through is enough.
What Happens When You Want to Stop?
There was definitely a point in that workout when I wanted to stop.
I was tired, my muscles were burning, and I was ready to be done.
But I also knew that I could probably finish the exercise, so I kept going.
This is where the comparison to labor gets interesting, and where I think it's important to be careful.
During labor, people sometimes say, "I can't do this anymore," or "I want it to stop."
As a doula, I've heard these words many times. Sometimes someone is expressing how intense a contraction feels, and a few moments later they're resting comfortably and ready for the next one.
Other times, they're telling us that something needs to change. They may want more support, a different position, a break from being touched, or pain medication.
The important thing is not to assume we know which one it is.
If you're supporting someone in labor and they tell you they can't do it anymore, listen. Stay close, ask what they need, and take their answer seriously.
And if you're the one giving birth, remember that you get to move through the expereince and be responsive to what is unfolding as well.
Finding Your Own Way Through Labor
One of my favorite things about being a doula is seeing how differently people approach labor.
Some people are quiet and focused. Others are loud and expressive.
Some want to be touched and held through every contraction. Others don't want anyone touching them.
Some want encouragement, while others find it distracting.
And all of this can change as labor progresses.
I don't think preparing for birth needs to be about learning a long list of techniques that you have to remember when contractions begin. There's value in learning about labor, practicing different comfort measures, and understanding your options. But it's also worth paying attention to yourself and what you do in your regular life.
The next time you're doing something physically challenging, notice what helps you get through it.
How do you breathe? Do you make noise? Where does your attention go? What kind of encouragement feels good, and what makes you want to tell someone to be quiet?
You might learn something useful about yourself.
And if you find yourself ten minutes into a workout class, questioning every decision that brought you there, at least you'll have something interesting to think about while you're waiting for it to end.
As a birth doula serving Pasadena and the surrounding Los Angeles communities, I help families prepare for labor and find the kind of support that works for them. If you're preparing for birth and would like to talk about working together, I'd love to hear from you.
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About Rebecca Belenky
Rebecca Belenky is a Los Angeles–based doula, childbirth educator, and lactation educator who has supported families since 2014. Through her practice, Los Angeles Birth, she offers compassionate, trauma-informed care that helps parents feel informed, grounded, and confident through pregnancy, birth, and postpartum.
