Breastfeeding Doesn’t Have to be Perfect: Tips for Letting Go of Rigid Expectations
BY: Josée Pound, IBCLC
Breastfeeding rarely unfolds exactly as we imagine it. This post explores the power of surrender—letting go of rigid expectations and embracing flexibility, compassion, and support as you begin your feeding journey. Learn when to ask for help, practical ways to ease the pressure, and why “perfect” isn’t the goal—connection is.
Nursing baby in mother’s arms
The Realities of Feeding a Newborn
When you’re pregnant, it may be easy to imagine what breastfeeding will look like once your baby arrives. You may picture quiet moments—your newborn curled against your chest, latching easily, milk flowing as you rock together at night.
Sometimes, it really can look like that. But more often, the reality of nursing is messy, unpredictable, and nothing like the perfect images we see on social media.
Many new parents feel silent pressure building before the baby even arrives. Maybe it’s from books, online forums, or even well-meaning friends who talk about how “natural” breastfeeding is. The unspoken message becomes: If it’s natural, it should be easy. If it’s not easy, I must be doing something wrong.
What It Means to Surrender
Surrendering doesn’t mean giving up. It means letting go of the rigid expectations you’ve placed on yourself so you can meet your baby where they are. It’s choosing flexibility over perfection, compassion over criticism.
Here are some ways surrender can show up in the postpartum chapter:
The latch isn’t perfect at first. Instead of blaming yourself, you reach out to a lactation consultant, trusting that learning is part of the journey.
The baby falls asleep mid-feed. Instead of stressing about “how many minutes per side,” you remind yourself that your baby’s tummy is tiny, and short feeds are still nourishing.
You imagined peaceful rocking-chair feeds, but your baby only settles when you walk or hold them upright. You surrender the picture-perfect image and embrace what actually works.
Your supply doesn’t match your expectations. Maybe you thought you’d have an overflowing freezer stash, but you’re producing just enough for now. Surrender means trusting your body’s rhythm—and knowing there are safe options if supplementation is needed.
You’re exhausted at 2 a.m. You let go of “doing it all” and let your partner take over diaper duty, or you offer pumped milk or formula so you can rest.
You feel overwhelmed. Instead of pushing through, you safely put your baby down for a few minutes, breathe, and remind yourself it’s okay to take a pause.
Each of these moments is an opportunity to soften, breathe, and remember: Breastfeeding doesn’t have to be perfect to be beautiful.
When to Reach Out for Help
Sometimes surrender means admitting you can’t do it alone—and that’s not failure. It’s strength. Lactation consultants, doulas, midwives, and support groups exist because breastfeeding often comes with challenges.
Reach out if you experience:
Painful latch: Breastfeeding should not hurt beyond the first few seconds. Cracked or bleeding nipples are a sign to get help.
Low supply concerns: If your baby isn’t gaining weight as expected, or you’re worried about volume, a consultant can help troubleshoot and strategize.
Oversupply or engorgement: If you feel painfully full, or your baby struggles with too much milk, guidance can help restore balance.
Unusual feeding behavior: Consistently falling asleep after a few minutes, refusing to latch, or feeding endlessly without satisfaction are all signs to check in.
Emotional overwhelm: If every feed fills you with dread or worry, talking to someone who understands can bring immense relief.
Reaching out isn’t just for “serious” problems. Sometimes you just need reassurance—or a small adjustment. That’s okay.
Practical Advice from an IBCLC
Letting go of expectations isn’t always easy, especially if you like to plan and prepare. These gentle practices can help:
Create a mantra. Simple phrases like “We are doing our best” or “I am learning alongside my baby” can help quiet perfectionism.
Allow mixed emotions. Joy, frustration, love, exhaustion—they all coexist. Giving yourself permission to feel them all makes it easier to move through them.
Lean on your village. Partner, doula, or friend—allow others to support you. You don’t have to carry it all.
Celebrate small wins. A calmer latch, a peaceful feed, or a quiet moment to breathe are victories worth noticing.
Hold your plans gently. Preparing a plan is fine, but flexibility is essential. Babies and bodies follow their own timelines.
Closing Thoughts
When you surrender expectations, you free yourself to experience breastfeeding not as a test to pass, but as a journey to walk with your baby.
Each imperfect moment—the milk-stained shirt, the midnight tears, the unexpected laughter—becomes part of your story together.
Your worth is not measured in ounces pumped or hours logged. It’s reflected in your presence, your patience, and your love. And love, unlike perfection, never runs out.
So as you prepare for this chapter, hold your plans gently. Be ready to adjust, to ask for help, and to forgive yourself when things feel hard.
A gentle reminder for the toughest days:
“I am learning. My baby is learning. Perfection is not required.”
Quick Tips for Letting Go
Make a mantra: “We’re learning together.”
Expect messiness: Spit-up, cluster feeds, milk leaks—chaos is normal.
Ask early: Don’t wait for a crisis to call a lactation consultant.
Rest when you can: Let your partner or support system pitch in.
Celebrate small wins: Every improvement counts.
Remember: Flexibility is strength.
Josée Pound is a Los Angeles-based IBCLC (International Board Certified Lactation Consultant) with over a decade of experience in the lactation field, She has a private practice offering in-home and virtual breastfeeding consultations, covering issues like latch, positioning, nipple pain, milk supply, tongue/lip ties, and transitioning to work.
Visit her website to find out more about Josée’s Lactation Support.
